thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
