maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
