Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
