I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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