I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
