He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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