I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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