i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
