i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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