these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
