OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
