I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
just found out that she named her cat after me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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