So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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