You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Drunk is not a location!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
