So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
