whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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