Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
