Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
