apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
