he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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