I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
thus making me awesome and them whores
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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