Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
