Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
