its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
