This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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