i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
