whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
