Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
