I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
