We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
