I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
