i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
