apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
