i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
