what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
