Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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