There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
