Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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