There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
