**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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