u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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