She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
