I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize