I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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