Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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