When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
