I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
