I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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