Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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