I'm gonna have a badass scar
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
