this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
