Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
