apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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