Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
