Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
