you win again, gameday.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize