I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
