A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
