Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
