ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
