Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
