I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
