i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
