Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
