I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
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You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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