please come you make the beer taste better
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
