We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
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Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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