So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
